Wednesday, June 15, 2005

10 tips to change your life(very original!)

I sent this to our hostel's yahoogroup after Dhanya sent a mail about being at Arvind's place in Bombay right now and putting hazaar fight to get along with her in-laws. Of course, I continue to maintain that any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental!

TIPS FOR PATAOFYING TARGET IN-LAWS(inspired by a fellow bady player's woes; also for the cause of general welfare and a more harmonious society)

1. Convert religion, caste etc. asap to fit the required specifications.

2. Learn the mothertongue of the would-be. If not that, atleast, be fluent with the mother's tongue, i.e. target mom-in-law's native language. Dads tend to be more rational and less prone to being impressed by such stunts!

3. Meet a kundali consultant to ensure that rahu-ketu and other calamitous entities are not obstrusting your "happy ever after" dream. If they are, bribe him and make the required alterations. Or just buy a compatible kundali instead!

4. When visitng his house, go to the kitchen to help, and ask profound questions like "is the chhonk enough?" or "have you put tadka to daal?" If you're a smooth liar, you could also make statements like "Till a while back I used to believe that my mom is the greatest cook in the world, but you've really opened my eyes to the reality that it was far from the truth!" And for heaven's sake, sound credible!

5. While helping, even if you can cook, don't go overboard and screw things up or end up seeming like one with a know-all attitude! At the end of the day mom-in-law is God! So, just indulge in supplementary activities like peeling potatoes or pomegranate(like I did!)

6. Claim to have 12 years of training in classical music. You could choose between carnatic and hindustani depending on which your target in-laws have relatively less fundaes on! But, believe me, this is a trump card and will get you a lot of brownie points(I say from a good friend's experience), so throw it in even if your surname is "Sing" and your middlename is "don't" and despite the fact that when you begin to croak, even frogs are embarrassed!

7. Now the all important dress code! Dress strategically like the women in the saas-bahu soaps! "Indian" is in, goes without saying! But, if you can't carry off sarees etc., wear not too drapey salwars, revealing important assets very matter-of-factly! A little bit of oomph is essential in order to impress, so low necklines, cut sleeves, short kurtis, tight churidars and all chalega! Aunties have a very distorted view of fashion trends, and these really catch their attention, especially if they're in bright colours, which our gult friends can elaborate further on!

8. We're concentrating too much on mom-in-laws. Although they are the mightiest in the family, donot ignore dads and siblings! Brush up on the latest in politics and sports, and find out in detail about their occupation. Then have an intellectual discussion with them, nonchalantly flaunting your knowledge, but again, always be fundamentally on his side! Even if you have to contradict your guy, team up with dad-in-law against him. If there's too much of an ideological conflict between what you actually believe and what you're saying(like if he's a great fan of Narendra Modi!), either bite hard or put your views across as subtle questions posed to dad-in-law and NEVER as loud,rebellious statements!

9. No sarcasm (they're probably too old to catch it!). No jokes on them or their home interiors, or their pets, or their trees, or anything else they're touchy about! Jokes on their son are allowed! Jokes on yourself are most welcome!

10. Ok ten is a good number so I'll wind up with this one! Last but not the least, when you're in their premises, don't be caught with your pants down! And I mean it literally. You're projecting an image of the shy one! So, refrain from any form of contact with your guy. You have your whole life to indulge in such immoral activities! Pre-marital display of affection is absolutely unaesthetic from the point of view of your in-laws, no matter how "cool" you or your guy think they are!

Yours truly,
Agony Aunt Vineeta

P.S. Follow the advice at your own risk!P.P.S. All non-Dhanya entities(I'm sure she's not in a very steady frame of mind!), kindly ratify the points. I am contemplating a career as a Delhi Times Page 3 correspondent!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Same old debate!

This morning, at the breakfast table, dad and I had the same argument for the umpteenth time. We were discussing Hemant mama's temporary state of literal "joblessness" and dad was advocating that it's irresponsible and very silly to leave a job before taking up a new one. I insisted that it's better to be jobless and look around for more exciting job prospects than be subjected to perpetual mental torture in the form of a job you hate doing!

It's the same pragmatism vs. idealism debate that I've often had with him, and a few times with Rahul and many other people. I can't forget the words of Oscar Wilde when he said, "I don't want to earn a living; I want to live." It applies to each one of us. When we spend 10-12 hours at work and sleep for 8 hours, it leaves us with 4-6 hours to reap the fruits of our working hours in a day. From this perspective, is the "torture" worth it?! Thomas Friedmann very emphatically says that the world is becoming flat and he mocks at the French who are trying hard to retain their 35 hours-work-a-week schedule int he face of a situation where an Indian is willing to put in 35 hours a day. If this is the kind of work culture we are moving towards, is it still unjust to strive for a work profile that gives you a fair amount of satisfaction, if not extreme intellectual stimulation, though I don't see why that can't be our real aim! The term 'middle class mentality' is an oft-used cliche' so I'll use the term 'middle class insecurity' instead. What's in a name?! But, isn't the phenomenon behind this solely responsible for the mad rush in just 2 supposedly "secure" fields, thus starving all the other avenues of growth and employment. It just ends up preventing an individual from evolving into the best he can be, as it, in a way, restricts him and curbs his freedom. The biggest stumbling block for such an evolution is fear, the fear of losing a job, the fear of not having enough money, the fear of not being able to make ends meet. Ofcourse, if our lifestyles were as simple and unpretentious as they can be, this fear wouldn't even arise, but let's leave that point aside for another time. Karl Marx (some survey has put Communist Manifesto and Das Capitol as two of the top 10 most harmful books of all times without people even bothering to read them or remotely understand their essence) had a mighty point when he told the Proletariat to revolt because they, anyways, had nothing to lose but their chains. But, we, the middle class have so much to lose. We "have" families to look after, we "have" job security, we "have" savings! Why are we always seeking to possess everything possible, capture it and be able to say that we own it?! It's also a form of insecurity and fear. Only if we could dare to just be who we are on our own, independent of the tags assigned to us and the things and people we own, we could learn to love ourselves and everyone else truly without the interference of this habit of possessing. And then we'd be able to look at our work objectively, as the end itself andnot as a means to an end.There is an amazing similarity between the ideologies of Karl Marx and Ayn Rand. They both considered achievment in work as a means to self realization. Marx was against a system that places the means of production in the hands of few, so that labour devolves into unsatisfying assembly line work. Rand was against the "ethical" system that tells achievers that they should serve those who don't achieve in order to promote social equality. So, they had divergent theories on how to achieve this goal, but there was a fundamental agreement on the concept of self-realization. An extension of this same concept of self-realization by work is the concept of Nishkama Karma advocated by Lord Krishna in the Bhagwad Gita. It stresses on the need for performing actions in order to fulfill one's duty without deliberating too much about the fruits of those actions, which should really be insignificant.

But, then again, I wake up to the harsh reality that the world does not idealize these concepts anymore and all that really matters is gold, sprinkled here and there with the desire for power. Dr. Ananth said that idealism is the only thing worth living for. Some people realize it sooner or later in their lifetime. Some others are content with the constant running-after-success. The remaining majority are choking with discontent, but will never realize it or try to venture out of their comfort zones. That is life, and the debate goes on.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Me?! Blog?!

I started out being very skeptical about the whole concept of blogging. What's the whole damn point? Is it just a means to make a point? Or is it the point?! Does that make sense or is it actually a whole lot of thoughtless, obscure gibberish as the URL suggests?!
Genuinely speaking, I need an outlet, considering the amount of churning that goes on inside my head at any point of time.
Thank God for the IT revolution, this is a lot less cumbersome than maintaining a journal! So, as Whitesnake puts it best:
Here I go again on my own,
Going down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a hobo I was born to walk alone.
And I’ve made up my mind,
I ain’t wasting no more time!!